The Moses Complex

More and more, I feel like I am running out of words in ministry. Or, not out of words, but out of the ability to use them properly. This morning, I led a prayer, sending out a group of pilgrims. I had so much in my heart to say, so much emotion, so much love for every person present. Yet, when the time came to pray, I fumbled for words and forgot people's names and nearly broke down crying. What sounded beautiful in my head came out in jumbled pieces.

At first, I felt shame and embarrassment. People deserved better than that! And, for goodness sakes, I know I can pray!! I have done public prayer before.

Then I thought of Moses. As I have walked a pilgrimage with members of my field ed parish, a song has been going over and over in my head.

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people's cry...
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?"

Moses wasn't so sure about this call, especially when he realized it was going to involve speaking. He stuttered and stumbled quite a bit, so the story goes. Yet, God uses Moses anyway in a powerful way. Moses' excuse that he could not speak didn't keep him from being an instrument of liberation for his people.

So, that is what I am banking on. That God's work is not simply a performance where the right words are said at the right time in the right way. That God's work makes use of broken, stammering people. That God can use me, even when I stutter and stumble and can't find the right words.

Here I am, Lord. Is it I Lord?...
I will hold your people in my
heart.